I once was buried, now I am open.
I decided to go public on April 17th. I remember thinking, "Am I really ready for this?" "Have I gotten to where I should be in my Christian faith journey at this point in time?" "Do I think my "story" is worth it?" "How is my hair going to look after I come back up from the water? "Are there anymore cliche questions I could ask myself regarding baptism?" Then I started to think of more heart hitting things.
I have talked about not seeing myself as having a "story" to be sharing. I was told not to believe that lie and that everyone has a story. And it wasn’t until about a day ago that I dove deeper into trying to figure out what my "story" was all about. I love the idea of seasons throughout your faith and life journey in general. I feel that in each season we learn a valuable lesson that will lay down the stepping stones for the next parts of our lives. Then I started thinking, " Seasons are like chapters in a novel or story" this must mean that I do have a story. The only difference is mine is not a hell and back kind of story. It’s a fighting the devil everyday kind of story. It’s a going through the motions kind of story. It’s a learning to love myself so that I can truly see that God has blessed me with so many things type of story. It’s not hitting rock bottom but rather getting knocked to my knees kind of story. Its having the presence of God in my life over and over and having to open and close so many chapters so that I could learn that even though Im strong, even though I am a fighter, even though I rise up against all of my challenges, I will never do that or get to that point on my own. God has shown me so many powerful and wonderful things. He has blessed me with finding love in loss. Finding power in pain. Finding success in my struggle. And the most current finding peace in the caos. My journey does not end here. I did not have to be a certain type of person to get baptized in the name of the Father. He continues to work in me and through me everyday. He met me where I am with all of my failures I had weighing so heavily on me. He has taught me to love myself once again. This baptism is a time for me to say I am going public with my faith and I will continue my story of never being the same.